


How to Turn a Team into a Family

by Thliky



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, Implied Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-12
Updated: 2013-04-12
Packaged: 2017-12-08 06:58:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/758416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thliky/pseuds/Thliky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of how slowly, but surely, the Avengers invaded Tony Stark's house and turned their team into  family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Friends Do Favours

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't tagged any relationships because this is just bit on when they were just starting out together and only just establishing friendships. However there are quite a few implied relationships, including Steve/Tony, Clint/Coulson, Clint/Natasha, definitely Jane/Thor and, depending on your interpretation, some others as well.

"Alright, Fury, I’m here,” Tony announced as he dodged past Nick’s PA’s feeble attempt at stopping him from entering the office, “what’s the emergency?”

Fury gave a melodramatic double take and set down the file he was holding in his hand, “Do my eyes deceive me or is Tony Stark actually gracing us with his presence?”

“I know the mere sight of me gives you butterflies, Fury, but I’m a busy man so could we cut to the chase?” Tony paused for a second as he took in Fury’s smug, He-Might-Actually-Be-Starting-To-Listen-To-Me look before adding, “besides, I’m only here because Pepper said I can’t keep ignoring your calls forever. Personally, I disagree, but she still handles my grocery deliveries and she told me she’d start withholding my coffee orders if I didn’t come down and check on you crazy kids.”

Actually, her exacts were: “Tony, if you don’t get your ass out of that damned workshop and check in with Fury – yes, I know he’s been calling you, I’m not an idiot – then I’m going to stop giving you the one substance that enables you to actually function.”

“God bless that woman,” Fury affectionately smiled, “she’s the only person who can get you to do anything around here."

“Right, yeah, Pepper’s the best, blah blah blah,” Tony used a gruff tone to impersonate Fury’s voice before continuing, “and why is it you’ve dragged me out of my important work to come down here?”

“I’m giving you an order.”

“Oh, God here we go-"

“I want you to offer Bruce a bed to sleep in.”

Tony paused for a second, “Wait, what?”

“Banner’s getting a bit antsy in the S.H.I.E.L.D rooms and everyone else is getting a bit antsy watching him get antsy.”

“I’m sorry, I came expecting you to order me into doing paperwork or attend the debriefings, but instead you want me to start renting out my house?”

“Look, the man’s contact list includes a handful of monks from Tibet and an ex-girlfriend he doesn’t dare ever speak to again. We’ve managed to keep him contained here purely because he’s got nowhere else to go and he’s hesitantly devoted to the Avengers Initiative.” Fury took a breath to let his words sink in. “You are the only friend he has who owns a stable home.”

“Right, ok, and what’s wrong with him staying here again?” Tony felt he was taking far too much time to understand, but he hadn't been working A LOT and he found himself needing everything said to him to be as clear as possible as to avoid usage of his brain.

Fury let out an exaggerated sigh that most people reserve for intellectually challenged children, “It’s not a secret that he is... emotionally fragile.”

“Don’t beat around the bush, the guy turns into a green monster if he stubs his toe.” Tony smirked, taking a small delight in watching the discomfort at his blunt words appear on Fury’s face.

“Well some of S.H.I.E.L.D’s therapists think Banner was at his most stable when he had a comfortable, semi permanent home, needless to say S.H.I.E.L.D HQ doesn’t really complete that criteria.”

Tony started pacing the office, taking this rare opportunity to mentally browse the room, “And you scheduled this meeting so we could discuss a matter that drastically affects Bruce’s well-being without actually asking his opinion about it.”

“Tony,” Fury said with a limited patience, “the man spends most of his time in the labs and when he actually does stop to rest he looks like someone who's about to explode, you’d be doing him a huge favour.”

“What do I get in return?” Tony asked absentmindedly as he picked up a file off the top of a file cabinet labelled ‘Top Secret: to be handled with discretion’.

Fury crossed the room and snatched the file from his hand before Tony could even turn the first page. “You’re his friend, Tony, quite arguably his closest friend. I know you don’t have a big expertise in friendships,” Tony visibly flinched at his words, but Fury didn’t seem to notice, “but friends are supposed to do favours for each other.” He repeated the word friends with a certain emphasis that made Tony’s stomach turn with spite and resentment.

“Sure, but Bruce isn’t the one asking for a favour,” Tony’s face hardened as an automatic reaction, “you’re the one asking. So what do I get in return?”

Fury let out a huff of breath, recognizing the sudden stiffness of Tony’s posture, he backed away taking a seat behind his desk again, “Alright, Tony, what do you want?”

Tony felt a sudden spike of guilt for milking the benefits out of his friend’s struggles. It was just so... corporate; so not what Tony wanted to be anymore. But he couldn’t deny he felt a jolt of pleasure when he saw the defeat on Fury’s face. “I want an I.O.U. A favour to be asked of at a later date.”

“What kind of favour?” Pessimism leaked from his face and Tony could practically see Fury picturing the very worst situations that could come of this.

“I don’t know yet.” Tony took an apple from the bowl on Fury’s desk and sunk his teeth in with a satisfying grin. “We’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?”

“Fine.” Fury conceded. “Just get Banner out of S.H.I.E.L.D HQ before he blows a fuse.”

Tony flashed one more arrogant smirk at him before he tossed the half eaten apple at Fury and walked out of the office. He made his way straight down to the lab they had specifically given Banner, making a stop to pick up two mugs of coffee before he waltzed into the room only to find a dark head planted on the desk.

“Hey, Banner! Rise and shine!” Bruce felt a sharp pain as Tony gently flicked him on the ear and was dragged out of his blissful sleep with a start. He lifted his head from the steel table that was filled with scattered papers, feeling the muscles in his neck and back strain out of their stiff position. He managed to drag his eyes to the watch on his wrist, blinking rapidly to rid the blur obscuring his vision, which told him it was only noon.

“Morning, sleeping beauty.” Tony planted a mug of fresh, steaming coffee under Banner’s nose. “What’s with the midday nap? You do realize what beds are for, don’t you?”

A yawn stretched out of Bruce’s mouth before he took a giant gulp of the scolding liquid in front of him, “I must have dozed off.” He muttered as he scanned the lab around him.

Tony studied Bruce, scanning over the dark shadows under his wide, bloodshot eyes and the prominent frown lines on his forehead, “Fury tells me you’ve been spending a lot of time down here lately.” Tony took a sip of his own coffee, still keeping his eyes steady on Banner. “Can’t sleep?”

Bruce gave a half-hearted shrug, “Guess not.” He rolled his shoulders back and stretched his neck from side to side. “The S.H.I.E.L.D bedrooms make me… agitated.”

“Oh,” Tony lowered his voice, “is it ‘cause you’re scared Coulson has peep cameras in the bathroom. ‘Cause I’ve been there, man, and let me tell you, Coulson does not like being accused of that sort of stuff… though he didn’t actually deny it.”

Bruce let out a warm chuckle. “No, it’s not that. They’re just so… suffocating. Like prison cells – all stuffy and claustrophobic. It unnerves me. I’m not sure how Clint and Natasha have put up with it for so long.”

“Well, you know, they’re practically trained to live in cages. I still haven’t ruled out the possibility that Barton sleeps in treetops, hanging upside down like a bat and I’m fairly certain Natasha doesn’t sleep at all, how could she when she has all those double identities to maintain. She could very well be a robot of some sort,” he paused for a second, mulling that idea over for a second in his head, “yeah, that would explain a lot.”

An amused smile twisted at Banner’s lips as Tony rambled on before they fell into a long silence. Tony let out a defeated sigh. “Well, you know, you could always stay at mine. I have plenty of rooms to spare and it’s almost physically impossible to feel claustrophobic in my house, you know because of the size-”

“Tony, you don’t have to do this, just because Fury asked-”

“Oh, I’m not doing anything for Fury. I just don’t fancy seeing a giant, green hulk smash his way through S.H.I.E.L.D HQ because the rooms were asphyxiating… although…”

“Thanks, Tony, but I couldn’t impose like that.”

“There’s no imposition, the house is so big we could probably go for days without seeing each other and if you’ve got work you need to do there’s still a couple of old labs on the bottom floors which I haven’t touched in years and Happy could just drive you anywhere if you need to get out as long as I’m not using him.”

Bruce stopped for a second, considering and thinking through everything Tony had said, “Just for a couple of days, right?”

“Of course,” Tony nodded, “it’d be cool to talk to someone around the house who isn’t Jarvis or Dummy, seen as Pepper spends most of her time at the tower now.”

Bruce nodded in understanding and then paused after a moments thought, “So, Fury told you I wasn’t sleeping?”

“Yup.”

“And he told you I would be better off at yours... behind my back?”

“Yeah.” Tony never felt much tension around Bruce like most people did, but still he felt himself suck in a breath as he awaited Bruce’s reaction, more dreading the emotional impact than any physical transformation.

“You get anything good out of it?” Banner looked up with a small, knowing smile. Despite being an extreme introvert, never could it be said that Bruce wasn’t acutely aware of the people around him and their... habits.

Tony let out an abrupt laugh, “I get an unknown favour to be cashed in at a later date.”

“That has potential.” Bruce nodded, showing an evident adoration rather than resentment for Tony’s strategies. “But seriously Tony, if this is too much of an imposition, I could just tell Fury I moved in and go to a hotel or-”

“Bruce,” Tony interrupted his ramblings, “you’re thinking too much.” 

“I’m a nuclear physicist; it’s my job to think.” Banner smirked showing a confidence that only Tony could bring out of him. 

Tony beamed a proud smile, “I am your friend and I am doing you a favour.” Tony said with a calm sternness to his voice. Who knows nothing about friendship now, Fury? Suck it.

“Thanks, Tony.” Bruce said with warmth that made Tony want to fly away and hide. 

Tony didn’t know it at the time, but this would come to be the moment that Tony inadvertently invited the entire Avengers Team to stay at his house.


	2. Death by Kung Pao Chicken

There was an unspoken, mutual agreement between the only two residents at Tony’s house that they wouldn’t mention that a two night stay actually turned out to be a lot longer. 

Honestly, not much at all had changed. Bruce had shown up on Tony’s doorstep with a small duffel bag of possessions and Tony had told him to pick any guest room he wanted, he was quietly grateful and made himself at home with no fuss at all. 

Tony and Bruce slowly and surely fell into a harmonious pattern. They didn’t see each other often, Tony was spending most of his time in the workshop building up a new range of devices for Stark Industries that the board were pushing for and Bruce, in contrast to Tony, had a regular sleeping pattern now and spent a fair amount of his time in the lab he had hesitantly taken over, just generally trying to keep himself busy. 

Every now and then, Tony would surface from his pit of grease, sweat and fatigue and would drag himself upstairs to get some fresh coffee or, if things weren’t going great, a fresh bottle of scotch. Bruce would just be finishing up his morning yoga and be getting a bowl of muesli as Tony appeared and they would crash on the sofa watching some crappy morning TV as they talked through their latest experiments/engineering. Or if Tony hadn’t come out of his workshop in a particularly long time then Bruce would order some pizza and use the food as an excuse to go down and make sure he was still breathing and even check out his latest advances.

As much as Tony generally deterred from healthy emotional well-being, it seemed to actually be good for them both to engage in some form social interaction, no matter how limited it was. But other than their light conversations, not much at all had changed. 

The only notable difference had come two weeks after Bruce had moved in. Tony had spent an insufferable amount of time mulling over a few flaws that had come along with aiming for more advanced software, so he decided to take a well needed coffee break and quell the craving he’d been having for Chinese. 

“Hey Bruce, I’m going to order in some Chinese food, you want something?” Tony called as he trudged into the kitchen to fetch a menu from the takeaway drawer. 

“Sure, I could go for some noodles.” Bruce called back. 

“I wouldn’t mind some sweet and sour chicken.” A different yet familiar voice commented. Tony paused, taking longer than he cared to admit to realize that Bruce had not grown a second head and he probably just had a guest over. 

He made his way into the living room to see Bruce sat cross legged on the floor in front of a chessboard precariously balanced on a foot stool with Clint staring in deep concentration from where he was crouched on the sofa. 

“Barton?” Tony asked in a cloud of confusion. “Why are you here? Why is Barton here?” 

“Quiet, Stark, I am one move away from losing this chess marathon.”Clint squinted and tilted his head as he stared intently at the board. After an eerily long pause, Clint cautiously outstretched his arm and delicately moved a black piece, all the while studying Banner’s face for a reaction. As soon as Clint released the piece from his grip, Bruce’s hand darted out and moved one of his pieces with swift precision and no hesitation.

“Check mate.” He announced with quiet triumph.

“DAMMIT!” Clint yelled in outrage as he slumped back into the sofa and kicked his legs out from under him, he let out a long, disappointed sigh. “Well played, Banner. Food now?” 

Clint stared hopefully at Tony who was still stood in a state of wary shock, “Right, food,” He walked through to the living room and collapsed onto the sofa, “and what are you doing here again?”

“Skipping out on a debriefing, Bruce said I could hide out here till it’s over.”

“A debriefing? So you’ve just been on a mission?” It didn’t have to be said that, after hours of staring at the same schematics with little to no sleep, Tony was taking a while to piece stuff together.

“Uh-huh, just a SHIELD thing, Nat said she’d cover for me.” 

“You don’t look like you’ve been on a mission.” Tony spoke in a sceptical tone he used especially for S.H.I.E.L.D agents. 

“It was only a small thing, just had to infiltrate some terrorist organisation, walk in the park really. Took a shower and got changed.” Clint shrugged as he snatched the menu from Tony’s hand and started scanning it. 

“You... showered here?” Tony spoke slowly, deciding that that was the precise point to focus on. 

“Mm-hmm,” Clint hummed as he flipped through the menu, “Bruce said it’d be ok.” 

“I hope that’s alright? I didn’t think you’d mind.” Bruce spoke with a sudden hesitation, the thought only just occurring to him.

“Yeah, it’s fine, totally fine. Just not used to seeing so my many faces around here.” Tony was much too tired to focus on how depressing that actually was. 

“Hi, yeah, we’d like two of everything please.” Clint spoke into the receiver of his phone. 

*****

Bruce let out a satisfied groan and slumped back onto his back, “Too. Much. Food.” 

“I know I should stop,” Clint spoke around a mouthful of prawn crackers, “but I just can’t.” 

“I’m so full, I could die.” Tony said to a half empty carton of Chow Mein. 

They had pushed back the sofas and the furniture to create a vast space of empty carpet and laid out every carton, packet and tray of food they had ordered. They had made a valiant effort to eat everything in sight, but an hour into their meal and they had started to wane. 

“I can’t finish,” Clint moaned, “just go on without me. Tell my Xbox I love her.” Clint spoke in a melodramatic tone as he collapsed onto his back and wrapped his arms around his stomach. 

Tony was just about to throw in the towel along with Clint when a shrill buzz echoed through the room. 

“Oh god what is that noise?” Tony flinched at the obnoxiously loud sound.

“That’s the intercom. Someone’s at your gate.” Bruce explained. 

“Oh.” None of the three made any effort to move. “Someone should probably go get that.” 

“Rock, paper, scissors?” Clint suggested from his nest of empty packets on the floor. 

Without making any noise, they all stuck out their arms and beat their fists in perfect synchronicity. Tony grimaced and groaned as he took in his losing hand, “I hate you guys.” 

He mentally prepared himself and inhaled an expectant breath, before he clumsily took to his feet and shuffled towards the intercom, making noises of reluctance with each step he took. 

“Who is this and why are you doing this to me?” He yelled into the com. 

“Clint there?” A clipped, but slightly distorted voice came through speaker. 

“Natasha? Jesus, what is this? A slumber party?” He muttered to himself as he pressed the button that opened the front gates. 

He slumped back into a foetal position on the living room floor and resumed his staring match with his half empty carton of food. 

“Nat, just the girl I wanted to see.” Clint said without moving a muscle. “Help me finish these prawn crackers?” Natasha elegantly navigated her way through the minefield of discarded pots of food until she sat nimbly down beside Clint and draped her legs across his stomach so they were perpendicular to one another. 

“You missed one hell of a debriefing.” She deadpanned as she popped a prawn cracker into her mouth. 

“Yeah?” an amused smirk twisted at his lips.

“Yup,” she replied, “Coulson is so pissed at you. He sent me and Steve to come and get you so you could get checked out by medical.” 

It was only then that everyone turned and noticed the tall, blonde figure in the doorway, “Fury said it was my responsibility to make sure all the team remain unharmed and seen to by S.H.I.E.L.D’s doctors at the end of each mission, even if it’s not strictly an Avengers mission.” 

There was a tense pause as everyone awaited for Clint to be dragged out by the collar possibly throwing up prawn crackers as he did so. 

“Buuuuut...?” Clint spoke with wishful hope as he waited for Steve to let him die peacefully from over eating. 

“But I can see you are clearly not hurt and I’m told by co-workers that you did a great job,” Steve said in that proud dad tone he used all too often, “plus I do love Chinese food.” And then it was his turn to make hopeful puppy dog eyes at Tony. 

Tony sighed and held out his Chow Mein in defeat, “You might as well join us too, Cap.” 

Between the super soldier who could eat for five grown men, an agent who managed to vacuum up a great deal of food without even making a chewing noise and Tony, Clint and Bruce’s reluctance to stop shovelling food into their mouths, they managed to finish a majority of the food with a reasonably small amount of leftovers. 

Somewhere in between the warm, fuzzy daze they were all left in, they had managed to turn the TV on and welcome the white noise of some reality TV show. Tony had fallen asleep within minutes, taken his first wink of sleep in a good twenty four hours, and Steve managed to materialize a sketchbook from out of nowhere and got lost in drawing an oddly peaceful Tony. 

Natasha and Clint spoke in lazy, quiet conversations, “So my co-workers think I did a great job, huh?” Clint teased with a smug grin. 

“Shut up.” Natasha replied as she stuffed the last of the prawn crackers into his mouth. 

Bruce wrote down some formulas and quick notes that came to mind in an incoherent design of scribbles as he hummed contentedly under his breath. 

It was, by all means, the most peaceful time the team had ever spent together since they’d met. Of course that wasn’t a hard thing to top, seen as most of the time they had spent together, up until that point, included a lot of explosions and broken limbs. 

After that night, they subtly and unnoticeably started spending more time together. Not necessarily on purpose, just as a kind of default mode, they might return to Tony’s after a hard mission or Bruce might invite Steve around to watch the Antique’s Road show – even though neither of them particularly liked the show. None of them purposely set out to bring them closer together, but with Bruce and Tony living together now, it was just plain convenient.


	3. When One Hole Closes Another One Opens

“Iron Man, report?” Steve’s voice came loud and clear over the com’s, full of authority and control. 

“Fifty clicks north there’s a building of civilians, damn police can’t even evacuate right anymore.” Tony fired another repulsor beam into the head of, what could best be described as, the giant, grey squid thingy that was tearing down buildings around it with a flail of limbs. “Got a plan of attack, Cap?” 

“Hawkeye, corner the Hulk onto 27th West Avenue and see if you can get him to fight off the tentacles from anymore building damages.”

“On it.” Clint replied as he set off running across the rooftops, firing arrows at Hulk to get him to follow. 

“Thor, back up Black Widow on the eastern front, bullets don’t seem to be penetrating it, but maybe your hammer could do some good.” 

Tony listened patiently as he rattled off a few more commands and then watched as Steve took off running north towards the building of civilians, ducking and rolling out of the way every time a tentacle tried to strike him. 

“Tony,” Steve panted through breaths, “do some recon, check to make sure there are no other buildings that the police have missed and get them to push the crowds back further, these tentacles aren’t getting any shorter.” 

“Cap-” Tony began to argue.

“The repulsors aren’t doing anything, the grenades didn’t do anything and bullets aren’t doing anything. The best you can do is help with evacuation until we get this thing contained.” Steve spoke with a confident sternness that only appeared when he talked battle tactics, but Tony couldn’t bring himself to leave the fight. With everything that had gone into the suit, there had to be something that could have an effect, he couldn’t be outdone by a glorified octopus, there had to be a weakness. 

“Hawkeye, report.” Steve demanded. 

“The Hulk isn’t having much of an effect, but he’s managing to keep it in one place pretty well. My arrows are useless, however it did get particularly pissed when one of my arrows went in the hole and then it closed up.” 

“A hole? There’s a hole?” Tony asked, suddenly paying attention.

“Well not anymore, he closed it.” Clint responded. “Why is a hole important?” 

“Living organisms only ever have holes for four reasons.” Tony started thinking aloud. 

“Tony,” Steve sighed, “let’s keep this professional.” 

Tony let out an amused chuckle, “Well it’s nice to know what you think about, but that wasn’t where I was going.” And Tony could practically feel Steve blushing through the com. “Four reasons: eating, respiring, excreting and reproducing.”

“Well thanks for the high school biology class, but can we get to the point now.” Natasha’s voice came sharp and defined through the earpieces. 

“Right, well, during all of those processes an organism becomes vulnerable to attack, the holes are entryways into vital, internal organs and that is one hell of a weakness, it’s the reason I have a face plate.” 

“That’s great, but the hole’s gone now, so no more weaknesses.” Natasha pointed out.

“It wouldn’t be open in the first place if it wasn’t necessary.” Steve warily suggested. “So it might have to open it again?” 

“This is officially the longest conversation I have ever had about holes without making a sex joke.” Clint spoke. Tony began shutting out the sounds of battle around him and tried his best to focus on the hole. The hole was the only disadvantage to this monster they had found in the past hour, there had to be a way of using it against the creature.

“SMASH!” Hulk let out an enraged roar and thumped on the squid in pure frustration. 

“Wait, it just opened!” Clint exclaimed. “And it closed again.” He added in a youthful tone of disappointment. 

“Hulk hit the beast and it opened?” Thor asked, contributing to the conversation for the first time, in confusion.

“Knee jerk,” Tony muttered, processing a plan in his mind, “It’s a knee jerk reaction. You put pressure on a certain point and the body reacts without even thinking. It’s just a reflex. We can use that. I can use that. I’ve got a plan.” 

“Tony.” Steve began in a cautionary tone. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

“Ok, guys I need you to all put pressure on that one point at the same time.” 

“Thor, fly yourself and Black Widow over to that point.” Steve instructed. “I’m on my way. Tony, don’t do anything stupid.” Steve repeated with sudden dread.

Tony ignored the battle talk coming over the coms as he pulled up Fury’s number and began dialling. “Fury, you know that favour you owe me?” 

“Tony, you’re in the middle of a battle against a giant squid! Can’t it wait?”

“No.” Tony replied. “I need some of those bombs you’ve been field testing.” 

“How do you even know about them?” Fury’s patience was wearing thin and Tony could hear him huffing out annoyed breaths. “They’re still prototypes; you can’t take them out into combat.”

“Fury, you owe me!” Tony snapped over the phone. “I can end this Fury, trust me.” 

Tony could hear his sigh of defeat and Tony mentally congratulated himself, “Alright, I’m sending an agent to the corner of the Brooke block. Don’t do anything stupid, Tony.” 

Tony ignored his last comment and flew away from the battle commencing below and found the black clad agent, he scooped a small, black cylinder from the agent’s hands and headed back to the fight without giving them a second glance. 

“Tony, wait.” Steve warned.

“Sorry, Cap, no time to waste.” Tony hovered over to where Clint had pointed out where the hole had been. “You guys at the Achilles heel?” He received a group of confirmations, “Alright, when I say, all of you at the same time hit that point.” 

“Tony, don’t you dare do anything-” Steve began. 

“NOW!” Tony shouted over him and, as promised, Hulk brought his fists down, Black Widow fired her gun, Hawkeye shot his arrows and Thor hammered with Mjolnir. For a very brief moment Tony was stunned by the site: a large, circle of shadow shot open over the thick, grey skin. A big empty, opening to an abyss. 

“Sir, I don’t recommend this. The creature has proven to have the same anatomy as other organisms and most likely has heavily concentrated acids that could erode the armour and several defence systems against intruding-” 

“Yeah, Jarvis, I get the risks.” Tony interrupted as he began to shoot into the closing void.

“Tony, what are you-!” Steve’s voice disappeared from Tony’s ears as he was suddenly suffocated by darkness. He began shooting anything and everything he had left at the invisible walls around him, the repulsor beams lighting his surroundings for only a few feet. A monstrous, groaning cry came from the monster, but Tony didn’t stop. 

He started firing his newest adaption, a type of cluster grenades that he had agreed to himself was for emergencies only, into the dark around him. “Sir, any weaponry you use now is sure to ricochet and affect the armour just as much as the creature.” 

Tony ignored the soothing tones of his AI and carried on firing anything explosive, taking hits and grimacing at the force just as soon as he inflicted it. 

“Sir, the suit is starting to shutdown; something in your current surroundings is toxic and is seeping into the mechanics-”

Tony tried to find a weak point in the darkness around him, but there was nothing but a big empty flooding of black. He threw the cylinder in his hands to a seemingly random point and sent a repulsor beam firing through the shadows and waited for a brief moment until the light clashed with the bomb.

The next part remained a bit of a blur in Tony’s mind. He saw the dark around him ignite in a fiery explosion and he saw a suddenly bright light. Tony remembered thinking this was probably him dying, but if he was dying then why were his ears still ringing like crazy? Before he could process anything, his back connected with hard, concrete floor, and never before had he ever thought he’d be so glad to feel the ground beneath him. 

He managed to get shakily to his feet and observe the dead carcass of a giant, grey squid and the new hole he had blasted into its side and then fallen out of. Tony reminded himself that he should probably get a hold of some of those bombs, if they could blow a hole in a giant squid then there wasn’t much it couldn’t do. 

He noticed a thick black sludge that was smeared across the once gleaming red suit and managed to pull enough coherent brain power together to realize this was probably the toxic substance Jarvis was referring to. 

“Man of iron!” He heard Thor’s deep, throaty voice call to him in delight and turned to see the blond hair sweeping behind his shoulder as he ran towards him. 

“No, wait!” Tony warned in a fading, weak voice. “The black stuff, it’s toxic, don’t get too close.” 

The world was starting to fade to black again and Tony resigned himself to the realization that this was probably a cruel trick his mind was playing on him, he must have died inside the squid and this was just some delusion he had conjured up to ease himself gently into death. 

Suddenly the whole team were surrounding him with varying degrees of worry on their faces, but the dark soon began to swallow up the sight.

“You left one off that list of reasons organisms have holes: IRON MAN FREAKING BLOWS UP YOUR ASS!” Clint yelled in triumph.  
“Wait, don’t touch the black substance, it is of a bad origin, we think.” Thor informed the others.

“Tony, are you alright? Can you hear us?” Steve’s worried tone called to him.

“I’ll get the medics.” The now human Bruce decided. 

“That was a pretty dumb move back there.” Natasha said, but he could hear the admiring smirk. 

It was only after he heard his friend’s familiar words he realized he wasn’t dying, he was just passing out. 

That was alright, Tony could deal with passing out. Especially if he could still here his friends fading words.


	4. One for All and All for One

Tony was greeted back into consciousness with a dull, thumping headache and a distant ache radiating through his shoulder. But he was surprised to feel a familiar fresh, cotton sheet underneath his fingertips and the faint scent of something that made his stomach make the noise of a dying whale. 

He managed to scrape together enough strength to peel open his eyelids and raise himself into a sitting position, so he could find out where the hell he was. Bedroom; he was in a bedroom. He squinted into the darkness. “Jarvis?” He asked with a wary hope.

“Yes, Sir?” Wonderful, so he was in his bedroom. It had been a while since he had slept in his own bed, he usually didn’t make it that far instead he’d just pass out in the workshop or, if he could manage to tackle the stairs, on the sofa. 

He heaved a confused sigh and swung his legs out of bed, only just realizing he was wearing a hospital gown. He stared in bewilderment down at the attire, before noticing his sweat pants and his Guns ‘N’ Roses t-shirt were folded neatly at the end of his bed. 

He slipped on the clothes and tossed the gown aside before shuffling out of his room and making his way towards coffee. Coffee was good; coffee would help him become functional again. He paused in the doorway to the living room when he heard mumbling voices and the clinking of plates; he stayed quiet for a moment before deciding it would probably be best to actually go check what’s going on. 

“The man of iron has awoken!” Thor yelled in delight as he beamed his bright, triumphant grin, he crossed the kitchen and thumped him on the back a little too hard. 

“Err,” Tony groaned in response, “less with the hitting please, I feel like I just got swallowed by a giant squid. Oh wait...” 

“How’re you doing?” Bruce asked as he shovelled several slices of pizza onto a plate. 

“Fine, I’ll live. Kind of feel like I’ve just woken up out of a coma – how long was I out?” 

“Three days.” Steve answered as he studied him intently.

“Days? Oh great, that’s a shit load of work I’m going to have to catch up on.” Tony muttered to himself. “And why was I in a hospital gown?”

“We sneaked you out of medical and, once we got you home, there weren’t any volunteers to undress you.” Natasha informed him. 

“You sneaked me out of medical? How do you even sneak an entire person out of medical?”

“Two master assassins, a super soldier, a Norse God and a hulk – that’s how.” Clint smirked. 

“Aye, it proved to be a challenging task, but the son of Coul helped.”

“Coulson helped you?” Tony asked incredulously. 

“Yeah, he covered for us. He told enquiring bodies that you’d been moved to an undisclosed location for security purposes – not untrue.” Natasha added with a sly smirk. 

“Other than a dislocated shoulder and a nasty concussion, you were alright. You had to stay in quarantine for 28 hours because of the black stuff, but your armour protected you so there was no damage there. The doctors said it was best to let you rest for as long as possible to let yourself recover so they gave you some stuff that would keep you under for a while and they fixed up your shoulder while you were out.” Steve reported with an apparent anxiety pasted on his face. 

“It was quite miraculous given the proximity to S.H.I.E.L.D’s prototype bomb that there wasn’t any-” A smooth, British voice spoke.

“Jarvis, not now.” Tony interrupted.

“S.H.I.E.L.D’s bombs? So that’s how you did it, you blew yourself up with a device that wasn’t even stable yet?” Steve said with a note of horror in his voice. 

“Don’t overreact; I knew what I was doing,” Tony spoke casually, “I had an escape plan.” 

“So that was on purpose? You blew the hole in the squid on purpose?” Steve doubtfully asked with a tinge of hope. 

“More or less, yeah.” Tony answered.

“MORE OR LESS?!” Steve shouted.

“Ok, who wants to go eat in the living room?” Clint suggested as he grabbed an armful of pizza boxes and fled from the kitchen quickly followed by Natasha, Thor and Bruce. 

“Why are you so angry? Everything worked out fine, I got myself out alive.” Tony reasoned with him. 

“Tony, you have to stop doing this! You don’t think anything through; you didn’t have a way of getting yourself out at all. It was just a happy coincidence that you managed to blow a hole and fall through it, you were just lucky, you could have been stuck in that explosion and died!” His voice was quieter now but he was still speaking in tones of frustration, “You have to stop with these heroic suicide missions-”

“We’re superheroes!” Tony interrupted in protest. “Our whole lives are heroic, suicide missions!” 

“Not like that! We’re a team now, Tony, we make these decisions together. If something happens to you-” Steve stopped, his voice cracking a little, “if something happens to you, then it happens to the team as well. If you get put in a three day coma because you blew up a giant squid then we all have to go through that as well.” 

Tony brought himself to look Steve in the eye and that’s what got him. His bright, blue eyes were riddled with sadness and he could see them starting to water. H+e could picture it now, the whole team pacing outside the quarantine area, waiting in nervous dread as the doctors pumped him full of drugs and inspected him. 

“I’m sorry, I’m just-” Tony started, “I’m not used to people caring that much.” Tony let out a dry, nervous laugh.

Steve’s lips turned up into a sad smile, “Just think it through next time, ok?” 

Tony coughed to fill the silence, “Right, ok.”

Steve nodded, a small movement that said they were done with the touchy-feely stuff for now, and Tony made his way over to the coffee maker. 

“Uh-uh, no coffee. The doctor said you needed to stay hydrated.” Steve said taking the mug out of his hands and replacing it with a glass of water. “Good old H2O for you.” 

Tony pouted but obediently sipped from the glass, “So why did you do it?”

“Do what?” Steve asked as he helped himself to a bottle of coke out of the fridge. 

“Sneak me out of medical.”

“Well, we knew you’d hate waking up in there and you didn’t technically need to be there. We figured it would be better to keep you here so we could keep an eye on you and there was less chance of you running away from here.” Steve drank half of the bottle in one gulp and started to head for the living room. 

Tony paused for a moment, frowning to himself as he thought about what Steve had just told him. They had risked getting a serious scolding off every S.H.I.E.L.D employee in the entire building, but they did it anyway just so Tony wouldn’t have to stay in that sterile hell hole. 

He smiled to himself and followed Steve into the living room. He was already sat on the couch, two plates of pizza poised on his knees, and Bruce was sat crossed legged in front of him on the floor. Clint and Natasha were sprawled next to him leaning back against the sofa as Natasha threw bits of mushroom at Clint who was staring intently at the screen. 

“Nat, I am trying to watch my show!” Clint spoke indignantly as Natasha let out an amused giggle that she only really laughed around Clint. 

“America’s Next Top Model is your show?” Tony mocked as he tried to withhold from scoffing.

“Don’t judge me, Stark.” Tony collapsed down in between Steve and Thor and grabbed a plate form Steve’s knee. 

“Midgardian pizza is extremely delicious.” Thor announced around a mouth of food. 

They all sat peacefully and watched the TV, because, as Tony’s now sore shin can vouch for, nothing should get between Clint and his shows. And an hour into the America’s Next Top Model marathon, they were surrounded by leftover pizza and were all contentedly sighing in a post-pizza daze. 

“Hey, Stark.” Coulson’s voice came from the doorway. 

“Coulson, how did you get in here?” Tony asked in puzzlement as he acknowledged the suit clad figure strolling into the living room, “How do you keep doing this?”

“I brought you a present.” Coulson ignored his question and then tossed a small bottle of pills at him. “They’ll help with any pain.” 

Tony caught it and inspected the unlabelled medicine, “These prescribed by the doctor?” 

“Not so much.” 

“Do I want to know where you got these from?”

“Not so much.” He repeated. 

Tony shrugged and popped what was probably more pills than necessary into his mouth and swallowed them dry, “How did you even know I was awake?” 

“I texted him.” Clint raised his arm. “Cold Pizza?” He offered a plate to Coulson. Coulson cringed as he peered at the slices before giving a look that said ‘ah fuck it’ and taking the plate from him to sit down next to him. 

Within a few hours the banter had drawled down to murmured whispers and the leftovers had been completely polished. The team started to fall in and out of consciousness until they were all happily dozing like a litter of softly purring kittens. All of them except Tony.

He decided to blame it on the fact that he’d been sleeping for three days straight. It was definitely not because Steve’s words were still echoing around his head. 

If something happens to you, then it happens to the team as well.

It would be better to keep you here so we could keep an eye on you.

He had people who openly cared. Other than Pepper and Rhodey, that was something new. But, he had to admit it, he didn’t hate it.


	5. Desperate Times Call For High School Pranks

“Is it just me or is time actually slowing down?” Tony sighed as he motioned to the bartender for another whiskey.

“Aye, these events are growing tedious.” Thor agreed as he wriggled in the navy suit he was wearing; he loosened his red tie and pouted at the dining hall around him. 

The Avengers didn’t agree on much, they all had strong personalities and very different opinions, but if there was one thing they could agree on, it was that these stupid functions S.H.I.E.L.D organized utterly and completely sucked. 

Any time the Avengers went on a mission and there was a lot of collateral damage and the higher ups started to fuss over whether it was worth having their lives saved, the public relations department would arrange a big, black-tie function and invite all the politicians, the journalists and generally anyone with influence, so the Avengers could dissuade them from destroying the initiative with their witty charm. 

Nevertheless, they were all in agreement that having to mingle with people that were so obviously judging them and beam fake, cheery smiles all night was emotionally tiring. Plus the suits that S.H.I.E.L.D issued them were incredibly uncomfortable (S.H.I.E.L.D had decided, after Tony showed up in his sweats as a form of protest, they would take up the responsibility of organizing their outfits. Unfortunately for them, they were often colour coordinated with their battle armour.)

Thor huffed an aggravated sigh, “I had wanted to spend tonight with my fair Jane.” 

Tony thought about his damaged armour at home, he still had a lot of maintenance to do on it before it would be up to scratch and ready for battle again, he had planned on spending as much time as possible on fixing it up, “Yeah, we both had big dates for tonight, buddy.” 

“Oh, you devil, you!” Clint laughed as he playfully punched a round, red faced man in the arm, he walked up to Tony and Thor, an overly cheery smile on his face as he left the small group he’d been laughing with. “These people are so far up their own asses they can wear their intestines as hats.” Clint muttered to the two men through the clenched teeth of his stiff smile, because people were always watching him.

Tony snorted in agreement, “Do you think if I blew up this whole place then we’d have to attend another function?” 

“Tony!” A bubbly, blond girl called, waving her arm in the air a bit too enthusiastically, “Tony, darling, there are some people you just have to meet.” She spoke with a nasal quality that sounded like nails on a chalkboard to him. 

Tony didn’t say anything in reply, partly because he couldn’t remember the girl’s name, he just beamed a slightly pained smile and let himself be dragged off by the arm. 

“At least he gets the cute blondes; I’ve been stuck with Mr Chuckles all night.” Clint commented as he gestured with his glass to a plump man who was roaring with a boisterous and, quite frankly, annoying laugh. 

Thor’s lips twisted into an amused smile and he grimaced as he sipped from his glass of straight vodka, “Midgardian alcohol is so weak.” 

“I think those exact words whenever I’m at one of these things.” Clint replied with a dry smile. 

“Ok, we have to get out of here.” Tony spoke in exasperation as he returned once again. “I was just subjected to a conversation of squid puns, very bad squid puns. Squid puns so bad they were punishable by death.” 

Clint was in mid laugh when his eyes lit up with the kind of hope you would see on a small child’s face after their mum says they can have the lollipop if they behave themselves.

“Clint, the last time you had that look, we demolished a twenty storey building.” Tony commented with a fondness that should not be associated with demolishing buildings.

“I have a plan.” Clint announced, “Tony, you go save Steve from whatever stuffy conversation he’s been trapped into. Thor, call Jane and tell her you’ll be free in approximately seven minutes. I’m going to go find Nat.” 

Tony’s face twitched into a sly smirk and he broke away from the bar just as Clint went searching for Natasha and Thor fetched out the phone Tony had given him from his suit pocket. 

Tony sped through the hall smiling at faceless crowds of people, until he saw a very uncomfortable looking Steve being surrounded by a group of giggling girls in very short dresses, Tony headed over and Steve looked at him with a pleading hope as soon as he caught sight of him, “Excuse me ladies, I need to borrow the Captain for a moment.” They all smiled at Tony and watched as Steve slipped away. 

“Thank you so much.” Steve spoke, the blushing already starting to disappear as soon as he was out of earshot. 

“You’re going to thank me even more in a few minutes.”

“Why, what’s going on?” Steve asked, suddenly incredibly doubtful of Tony’s generosity. 

Tony pointed over to where Clint was just walking up to Natasha, “He’s got a plan; it involves ditching this stupid thing.” 

“Tony, these functions are good publicity for us and are vital for keeping up a good image, we can’t just ditch it.” Steve paused and looked back at the group of girls who were giggling again a waving their fingers flirtatiously at him, “Can we?” he corrected himself with wishful hesitance.

Tony smirked at him in reply and watched as Clint curled a hand around Natasha’s elbow. 

“Natasha, there’s an emergency I need your help with.” Clint smiled a knowing grin at her. 

“Excuse me, gentlemen.” She spoke to the group of old, white haired men around her with a falsely sweet smile and the men watched her swaying hips as she walked away. She was wearing a strapless black dress that hugged her figure and a bright ruby pendant that complemented her impeccable neat, red curls - it was hard not to watch in awe as she walked away. 

She followed Clint out of one of the double doors that lead to a hallway of identical doors, “The last time I wanted to scissor kick someone that much was when that guy at that diner slapped my ass and called me ‘sweet cheeks’.” she spoke in a deadpanned tone. 

“If I remember rightly, that man was unconscious within seconds.” Clint had a proud, reminiscent smile on his face. 

Clint opened a door to an empty office and flipped the light switch on, “Bingo.” 

“What are we doing in here?” 

“Getting out of this bloody function.” Natasha’s lips quirked into a small smile at his reply. 

“You got a lighter?” Clint asked, Natasha dug into her cleavage and produced a classy, metal lighter. “They’ve got a standard sprinkler system throughout the whole building, smoke detectors in every room.” Clint snatched a small wad of paper and rolled it into a cone before handing it to Natasha.

“Give me a lift.” Clint stood directly under the smoke detector and Natasha took a running jump onto his shoulders.  
“Nat,” Clint spoke in a teasing tone once she’d gotten into a steady position with her thighs settled next to his neck, “it wouldn’t hurt to lose a few pounds.” 

“You do know I can snap your neck like this, right?” she replied as she flipped the lighter open and set fire to the tip of the paper, she waved the torch under the detector and waited a second until a loud whooping echoed through the building and water started spraying out from the ceilings. 

She climbed down from his shoulder and dropped the fiery paper into an empty waste basket, “Window.” She headed towards the back wall and shimmied the window open before slipping gracefully through the gap, landing in a garden bush. Clint followed and they sneaked through the shadows until they got to the valet. 

Two minutes later they were pulling over at the front of the hall in their black, stretch limo that S.H.I.E.L.D had given them for the night. Soaked people were filtering out of the hall with water dripping off their suits and their ball room dresses and grumbling obscenities to themselves. Clint’s damp head appeared out of the sunroof and he whistled to three men dripping wet and shivering at the curb of the road. 

“After party at Stark’s house?” Clint shouted to them with a goofy grin.

They all clambered into the limo and shook out the excess water from their hair and clothes, “I thought an assassin’s greatest weapon was supposed to be subtlety.” Tony mocked as he took off his red tie and rung it out.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures.” Natasha smirked as she kicked off her heels. 

“Desperate measures meaning regressing to high school pranks?” Steve said, but he was smiling as water droplets dripped down his face. 

“Let’s talk party; anybody got a secret stash of booze?” Clint asked, “I don’t think Tony’s mini bar’s going to cut it.” 

“I drained the last of my vodka during a conversation about the importance of cummerbunds in modern day society.” Natasha informed them. 

“I can call my lady Jane!” Thor announced happily as he produced his phone, “She has access to the strongest Midgardian alcohol.”


	6. A Night of Lightsaber/Sword Piggyback Fights

“We should really keep spare clothes here in case of sprinkler related emergencies.” Clint noted as he stripped off his black suit jacket and dumped it in the hallway and then un tucked his slightly see through, white shirt. 

“You guys are back early.” Bruce noted from where he was sprawled out on the sofa, he looked up at the group of soggy individuals leaving puddles of water in their trail, “Rough night?” He tried to repress an amused smirk. 

“Never did I ever think I’d feel this envious towards a man who turns into a green hulk.” Tony commented as he started undoing the top buttons of his shirt. SHIELD had granted Bruce a get out of jail free card for some of the functions under the reasoning that they’re quite stressful, of course Bruce could actually stick through them, but he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. 

“You guys want to order in some food then?” Bruce asked.

“Jane is bringing supplies.” Thor replied with the same sunshine smile he always had when he talked about Jane. 

Bruce quirked an eyebrow, intrigued. “Supplies of the alcohol variety.” Natasha confirmed. 

“So,” Bruce pondered, “a really, really rough night?” 

Tony tried to make a break for his room so he could change out of his sodden clothes, but Steve caught his forearm, “Oh no you don’t,” he smiled playfully at him, “if we have to stay in these wet clothes then so do you.” 

“Oh, come on. It’s not my fault you guys don’t stash spares here.” 

“if we’re going down then we’re dragging you with us.” Clint added. 

Tony let out a defeated sigh and collapsed onto the sofa, “Fiiiiiiiiiine, I’ll take one for the team.” 

“How valiant of you.” Natasha deadpanned. 

An abrupt buzzing echoed out through the house and Thor’s eyes lit up like a tiny puppy that just saw another dog at the park, He ran towards the intercom and pressed the button to open the gates before dashing out the door. 

He returned a minute later with arms full of plastic shopping bags that clinked every time he moved and two brunettes in tow with more clanging bags straining against their hold. 

Darcy’s full lips twisted into an amused smirk as she entered the room, “Wow, the last time I was invited to a party with this many gorgeous, wet people-”  
“Please God, do not finish that sentence.” Jane interrupted as she set the bags down in the middle of the living room floor and turned to Darcy who had a devious smile on her face. 

“Man, that’s a shit load of booze.” Clint commented with a note of delight. He fell to his knees in front of the bags and dug around inside until he scooped out a bottle of vodka which had a label completely written in Russian. He threw the bottle to Nat who caught it in one hand and flashed a devilish smile at Clint. 

He browsed around some more until he found a bottle of scotch and handed it to Tony, he then produced a bottle of pink, fruitfully scented liquid and stared at Darcy for a moment before handing the bottle over. There was an extra large, unmarked bottle of an unidentifiable, brown liquid that didn’t honestly look legal; he stared quizzically at Jane before turning the bottle over to Thor. He grabbed the Bailey’s and gave it to Jane before staring appreciatively down at a bottle of Jack Daniels and set that aside for himself. 

“Wow, you really, kind of missed a calling as a bartender.” Darcy noted as she started to sip at her pink liquid that she hadn’t needed to ask for.

“It’s my sixth sense: I can tell what beverage a person wants just by looking at them.” Clint smirked to himself, “However, I’m not picking up on what Steve and Bruce want?” 

“None for me thanks.” Bruce smiled politely.

“Steve?” Clint looked up, “How about some Schnapps?” 

“Alcohol doesn’t affect me.” Steve pointed out blandly with a twinge of resentment.

“Aw man, sucks to be you.” Clint replied with his usual level of empathy. “Anyway, let’s have a toast. Here’s to easily accessible smoke detectors,” Clint raised his bottle of whiskey, “and to family.” He looked regretful for a moment, like he suddenly realized he’d just said something extremely shameful, until Tony raised his bottle and cheered, “Here, here!” and the rest of the team mimicked him and clinked their bottles together. 

Jane went in search of a stereo system and played the mix CD that had been left in there, instantly Survivor’s 'Eye of the Tiger' started blasting out from the speakers and was welcomed with a chorus of whooping and cheering. 

It was only after Darcy dragged Jane who dragged Thor who dragged Natasha onto the dance floor (aka the middle of the living room) and started throwing their arms in the air to the time of the music, that Clint noticed a tall figure dressed in a simple, black suit watching from the doorway. Clint jogged up to the man and pulled the best Disney princess eyes he could, “What can I do for you, Coulson?” He smiled a bit too innocently. 

“You’re soaked.” Coulson noted as he looked Clint’s soggy clothes up and down.

“Yes, I’m sure you heard there was a, uh, fire at the function.” 

“Sprinklers, really?” Coulson smirked, “Was that the best you could come up with?”

“Agent Coulson,” Clint put on an overly shocked expression, “are you insinuating that I had something to do with this?”

Coulson barked a laugh, “Shut it, Barton.”

“So I assume you’re here to take us into S.H.I.E.L.D HQ, so we can get a slap on the wrist then?” 

“I was,” Coulson paused and looked over Clint’s shoulder to where the team were laughing and talking and dancing and singing together, “but then I heard your toast.”

Clint deflected his gaze to the ground, “Urm, yeah. It came out a little cheesier then I meant – I had a bit too many cocktails at that function.” 

Coulson nodded along, “Right, of course. Still, it’s good to see you guys getting along and spending so much time together.” He paused in deep thought for a moment. “Maybe I spent all night looking for you guys, but I couldn’t find you.”

Clint’s face lit up with grateful hope, “That sounds highly plausible. We are, after all, master’s of disguise. Seen as you’re not doing anything then,” Clint produced a can of Fosters from out of nowhere, “you could stay for a little while.” 

A small smile appeared on Coulson’s face and he took the beer, “Good to know you’re not using your sixth sense for evil.” 

Coulson brushed past Clint and went over to the sofa where Bruce and Steve were now lightly chatting. They looked surprised at first, but Coulson made them promise to never tell another living soul he was here and the tension melted away. 

Natasha grabbed Clint’s hand and pulled him into the circle of swaying hips and pumping arms and he joined in with the roaring lyrics. 

“It’s the thrill of the fight / Rising up to the challenge of our rival.” they all shouted/sang along and coaxed Tony into doing his legendary air guitar. 

It went like that for a while: singing at the top of their lungs, dancing till their feet were sore with Tony’s collection of classic rock blaring from all directions whilst Steve, Phil and Bruce all laughed at them from the sofa. Coulson even showed Steve how to use the video camera on his phone so he could film them and, in his words, “Use it as bribery at some point in the future.”

At one point, Jane and Thor fled to a closet whilst giggling and sharing secretive smirks with one another. They’re peace didn’t last long though, Tony and Darcy started thumping on the door shouting, “Not sexy time yet!” whilst the others cackled and hooted with laughter. 

A few moments later, the door swung open and Thor ran out grasping Jane, who was sat precariously on his shoulders and holding a snooker cue like a lance. They let out a simultaneous battle cry and charged out of the closet. Darcy screamed in surprise and jumped out of their path whilst Tony stared, a little glassy eyed and stunned, and muttered to himself, “When did I get snooker cues?” 

“We are the mighty, undefeatable Thor-Jane!” Thor announced in a loud bellow whilst Jane giggled manically, “You are no match for us!” He drunkenly shouted.

“We’ll just see about that.” Clint replied with a lopsided grin, he ducked his head under Darcy’s legs and raised her up onto his shoulders. She let out a startled yelp and her hands automatically clung onto his head for balance before she let out a warm belly laugh. Natasha fished out the second cue and tossed it to Darcy; she straightened herself and then stared Jane dead in the eye. 

“LET THE BATTLE COMMENCE!” Tony announced in a slurred voice and watched with great amusement as all four of them let out a roar and charged at each other. Darcy and Jane swung the cues and started, what could only be called, a lightsaber/sword piggyback fight. 

Eventually, after having filmed a couple videos that would have made a priceless YouTube clip, Steve and Bruce wrestled the cues off of them on account of liking having a team of two eyed heroes and wanting to keep it that way. 

*****

It got to be four AM before Clint collapsed and they decided to call it a night. 

'Every Rose Has It’s Thorn' by Poison was humming over the sound system and Thor and Jane were still slow dancing in the middle of the room, but Jane had half lidded eyes and Thor looked to be the only thing holding her up, he smiled down at the sight and pecked a silent kiss on the crown of her head before bending down and wrapping an arm under her knees and lifting her close to his chest, “I think I shall take Jane to bed now.” He whispered to Steve and Coulson as he turned around and headed in search of an empty bedroom, something Tony’s house was not short of, with Jane cradled in his arms. 

“Ok, Natasha and me will get Clint then.” Coulson lifted himself to his feet and draped one of Clint’s arms around his shoulder and Natasha dutifully got his other side and carried him with his feet dragging across the carpet. 

Steve nudged Bruce awake, who had started to drop off when the slow songs came on, “We’re throwing in the towel, you should get to your bed if you don’t want a stiff neck in the morning.” 

Bruce yawned and looked down at Darcy who had passed out face down with her dark curls circling her head and then up at Tony who had collapsed across the back of the sofa, “We should probably get those two to a bed as well then.” 

“That’s ok, I got them.” Steve smiled as he carefully pushed Darcy’s hair aside and picked her up gently. 

“You sure?” Bruce asked out of politeness, but his eyes were already clouding over. 

“Yeah, super strength, remember?” He smiled and started carrying Darcy towards an empty bedroom that Bruce had pointed out, he tentatively laid her down on the bed and she instantly curled into the soft sheets with a small smile twisting her bright lips. 

Steve returned to the living room and carefully swung Tony over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift and wrapped an arm around his waist to keep him on his shoulder. He walked up a staircase and tried a few doors before finding Tony’s bedroom. He softly dropped him onto the bed and tucked a blanket around him, pausing slightly when he heard a small contented hum come from Tony’s mouth.

“Steve?” Tony mumbled without opening his eyes. 

“Yeah?” 

“How was the party?” He murmured into his pillow. 

Steve let out a soft chuckle, “It was great, Tony. You’re definitely going to feel it in the morning, though.” 

“You guys staying here tonight?” He slurred his words slightly and he was still on the border of unconscious.

“Yeah, is that alright?”

“Mm, s’good, very good. I like having you guys around.”

Steve smiled down at him and stroked his hair softly, “And we like being around.”


	7. Head Teacher Fury

“Tony, wake up,” A soft voice urged as a strong hand gently shook his shoulder, “rise and shine.” 

Tony let out a long groan, “Oh God, what are you doing?” 

“We have to be at S.H.I.E.L.D for one.” Steve’s voice informed him. 

“No.” Tony moaned stubbornly as he pulled the blanket over his head. 

“Alright, I didn’t want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice.” Steve got up from where he was perched at the end of the bed and disappeared until the warm comfort of the blanket was ripped from his grasp.

“WHY DO YOU HATE ME?” Tony grunted loudly as he brought his hand up to his forehead and clutched his throbbing head. 

“If you get up and dressed then there’s some of Coulson’s magic painkillers and Thor’s fried bacon waiting for you downstairs.” Steve reasoned like a dad trying to get his grumpy child to eat his vegetables before he left the room. 

Tony slowly peeled his eyes open and blinked against the harsh morning light that was spilling in through his window. He rolled out of bed and stripped off his still slightly damp dress pants from the night before, he dived in the shower and fought the urge to curl back into bed and sleep for the next century. Tony got out of the shower and dug out some clean black jeans that hugged his hips nicely and threw on an AC/DC t-shirt. 

He slumped downstairs and entered a kitchen full of people with varying degrees of hangovers. Darcy was still young enough to not feel the full extent of a hangover, so other than her mussed up bed hair she looked as bubbly as always. Similarly Natasha and Thor, being super human/God, didn’t feel any affect and were happily scooping scrambled eggs into their mouths. 

Jane and Clint, on the other hand, looked exactly how Tony felt, something best described as microwaved death. Clint was wearing his shades and Tony was ninety percent sure he wasn’t actually awake behind the sunglasses and Jane looked like she could start to hurl at any moment. 

Tony pulled out a chair at the kitchen table and collapsed into it, Steve placed a plate of bacon and eggs in front of him, “I was promised pills, Rogers.” He produced two white pills and placed them next to a glass of water. 

At that moment, Phil appeared in the doorway. He’d only been drinking beer all night, so he didn’t look like he was suffering through a hangover, but his shirt was untucked and looking rumpled, “I was never here, you never saw me, I’ve been out all night looking for you.” Phil nodded to himself and ran out of the kitchen. Everybody dutifully nodded to themselves and pretended to have not seen him.

“Why exactly are we being summoned by Fury?” Tony spoke low with little patience and a lot of exasperation.

“Do you not recall the stunt with the sprinklers?” Clint reminded him. 

“No, I remember you pulling that stunt.” 

“Hey, I didn’t hear you complaining last night,” Clint added before shifting slightly in his seat, “plus Nat was the one who actually pulled the trigger.” 

Natasha stared daggers at him and kicked Clint’s shin under the table, “OW!” Clint howled in response. 

“We all agreed to it last night, so we’re all going in." Steve said in his Captain voice, “We’re a team, we go down together.” It was difficult to argue with that one. 

“If this meeting is about last night then why was Bruce asked to attend?” Thor pondered aloud.

Everyone paused for a second and mulled that over.

“Well maybe we’re not in trouble then,” Steve reasoned, “maybe... he wants to congratulate us on our last mission?”

“When pigs fly.” Clint snorted. “One of you little shits did something and now we’re all getting dragged in to take the flack.” 

“Team, Clint, we’re a team.” Steve reminded him. 

They finished up the last of their breakfast and Tony told Darcy and Jane they could hang around if they wanted to wait till they got back, but Thor ended up calling them a cab because they were supposed to be doing some work in the lab with Selvig. Tony called Happy and told him to bring around the small limo, because that was the only thing that would fit all six of them. 

“How do you not have a hangover right now?” Tony asked Natasha as he stared at her in disbelief. 

“I’m Russian.” She monotonously said as she stared out of the window. 

They were all pretty quiet throughout the short journey, mostly because Tony and Clint were both nursing catastrophic headaches and they were usually the ones to supply the witty banter, but also because it was one of those rare mornings where none of them wanted to talk. They were all stuck in a serene scene of peace, a satisfied warmth of contentedness, kind of like when you wake up early and watch the sunrise and everything just seems... right. It wasn’t something that happened to any of them regularly, in fact hardly at all, but it was definitely a welcome feeling. 

It didn’t take them long to get to the LA based S.H.I.E.L.D HQ and once there, they all climbed out of the car together, rode the elevator thirty six floors and made their way to Fury’s office. 

“Hi, director Fury should be expecting us?” Steve smiled brightly at Nick’s PA who blushed slightly and nodded with a shy tilt of the head. 

“You can go on in.” She said in a sickly sweet voice. 

Steve led the way, followed by the rest, and opened the heavy door to see a dark, bald head staring down at a pile of papers. Steve nodded curtly and put on his serious Captain face, “You wanted to see us?” 

“Yes, sit down.” Fury spoke without lifting his gaze, Steve paused for a moment and looked at the six chairs that had been brought in especially and then sat at the end. They all filed in and Banner shut the door behind him, they all looked uncomfortably from one another like they’d just been called in the head teacher’s office for ditching class. 

It must have been a whole two minutes they sat in silence waiting for Fury to say something, but his head was cast down at the papers and he didn’t lift his eyes for a second. Natasha and Clint were the only ones who seemed remotely non-shifty, but they were trained to persevere through much worse than this. Tony turned to Steve and made a Say-Something-Before-I-Die-from-this-Awkward-Silence motion with his eyes. 

Steve shifted forward in his seat and coughed, “Um, Sir, if this is about the function-”

“You can relax, this isn’t about last night.” Fury spoke to his papers, before he decided he’d put them through enough torture and he looked up, “If I blame you for the incident last night then that means that I actually have to acknowledge out loud that the world’s greatest heroes actually set off the fire alarm system so they could get out of a simple PR function.” Fury let out a long winded sigh, “Besides I can’t really blame you, they only way I can get out of them is volunteering to manually do all this paperwork that I could easily give to a secretary.” 

Steve looked a little stunned for a few moments, “Uh, right, so... why are we here?” 

“I’m proposing an idea.” He paused and leaned forward; resting his elbows on the desk and fixing them all with his intense, dark stare, “I think it would be good for the team if you all lived together permanently.” 

There was a long, confused pause “I’m sorry, you called us in to tell us that you think it would be nice if we all played sleepover?” Tony asked, but it came out with far less resentment than he intended. "Spending more time as a team outside of missions and training has shown some apparent changes to the way you interact with one another.” Nick noted with a casualness that made him sound like he was talking about what he had for tea last night and not putting six of the world’s most powerful heroes in the same living quarters. “You synchronize better in training sessions, you work better in battle and, God help me for saying this, but it actually seems to be having a positive turn on your emotional well-being.” There was another long pause where everyone seemed to be taking in what he was suggesting, “Now I can’t actually force you to do anything in your free time, I’m just making a recommendation.” 

“Well,” Bruce spoke up after what seemed like an hour of silence, “it worked for me and Tony.” 

“I’ve slept in air vents before now, I can think of worst places to sleep than Stark’s mansion.” Natasha interjected. 

“If it helps the team.” Steve commented with a blush that travelled from his cheeks to his ears.

“My lady Jane wouldn’t mind as long as she could visit.” Thor boomed.

Everyone turned to Clint and waited for his answer, but all that could be heard were the soft, gentle noises of sleep. Natasha rolled her eyes before raising her foot and slamming it down on his toes with a loud thump, Clint shot up suddenly and his glasses fell from his nose, “Aa- what? What did I miss?” He blurted in a moment of confusion. 

“We’re moving in with Tony.” Natasha informed him. 

“Oh.” He said, seemingly unfazed, “Sweet, he does have a killer surround sound.” 

Nick turned to Tony who had stayed in a state of quiet panic, “Well, Mr Stark? What do you say?” 

Tony tried to hold back a strange, foreign burst of delight. He wouldn’t ever admit it out loud, but it had been nice the last few weeks getting to see people who weren’t anything to do with the business, it had been nice having Steve come down to the workshop and check he was still alive, it had been nice having Bruce order in food so he didn’t starve, it had even been nice bickering with Clint whilst Thor spilled broken egg shells all over the floor. 

It had been nice having people around who cared about him and he could rely on. 

“Well, uh,” Tony stuttered for a moment, trying to search for words that didn’t sound too enthusiastic, “as long as no one touches my work and my suits it should be... erm, fine.”

“Right, well that’s sorted then.” Fury said, “Now I have a shit load of paperwork to finish, so if you wouldn’t mind.” 

They all stood up and shuffled out of the room, still a little stunned as to what just happened, “Did anyone else totally just get some severe high school flashbacks?” Tony said.


	8. Family

“Hey Tony, Thor’s made homemade pasta, come get some food.” Steve’s voice came through the workshop as his footsteps echoed through the room. 

“Mm hmm, pass me those pliers on the desk?” Tony asked from behind a table of wires and scrap metal. Steve picked up the pliers and walked over to the cocoon of electronics. 

“Working on the suit?” He peered through the pile with a look of muted awe. 

“Yeah, that toxic stuff really did a number on it. Would have probably just been easier to scrap this one altogether.” 

Steve smiled at the look of intense concentration on his face, “You enjoy it really. Now come on, you need some food in you.” 

Tony reluctantly dropped the metal arm plate he was holding and followed Steve back up the stairs and into the living room where everyone was sat around in the living room with bowls of food, it was only at that point Tony realized how hungry he actually was. Thor came out of kitchen with two more bowls and handed one to Tony and then collapsed down next to Jane – as an extension of Thor she had also taken up a regular residency at the house. 

Tony sat down in his armchair and kicked his feet up on his foot stool before he deflected his attention to the TV screen, “Finding Nemo?” He asked incredulously. 

“I like it.” Steve shamelessly admitted around a fork of pasta. 

“Steve tell you they caught that mad scientist guy responsible for the giant squid?” Bruce informed him from his spot on the floor. 

“No?” Tony gave Steve a frown before Clint continued for Bruce.

“Yeah, S.H.I.E.L.D brought him whilst me and Steve were there this morning. Man, Steve gave him one hell of a left hook.” 

Tony could see Steve blushing out of the corner of his eye and he couldn’t stop a small smile from creasing his lips, “He say why he did it?” 

“The usual;” Natasha answered, “experiment gone wrong, he was going to change the world, blah, blah, blah.” Tony snorted and started shovelling pasta into his mouth. 

It hadn’t been that long since the team had moved in and it wasn’t as subtle as when Bruce had moved in. There was much more noise and washing up and arguments. But Tony liked waking up and hearing the noises of plate and pots being moved in the morning and he liked having someone to chase him to do his fair share of the chores and he liked having someone to come down into his workshop and tell him the music was too loud. Well, maybe 'liked' was a strong word, but he did need those things. He needed the restraints to tell him when he was hitting his limits, he needed someone to make sure he still functioned as normally as possible in all of his admittedly un-normal circumstances. It was like when Pepper was living with him, except instead of just Pepper shouldering all the weight of Tony's problems, there was five of them instead. 

He imagined it was what having a family was like. Dinners and squabbles and movies and bickering. None of them had really ever had an idyllic family – if such a thing even existed – and what they did have when they were younger slowly became more and more broken as they grew up, they were all scarred and lonely and with little to no family and friends. 

Maybe they hadn’t been born into this family and maybe they hadn’t even liked having it at first. But that was the point of family, wasn’t it? An unbreakable bond that wasn’t always convenient and wasn’t always likeable, but was always there. 

Tony pondered with a moment of resentment that he kind of owed it all to Fury; if he hadn’t have brought Bruce’s predicament to his attention then they would all be much worse off. Bruce would still be rolling restlessly in bed and suffering through sleepless nights. Natasha and Clint would be floating around S.H.I.E.L.D HQ waiting in anticipation for their next mission just for an excuse to get out. Thor would be moping around Jane’s house in New York with no company whilst she was out working and accidentally breaking things out of frustration. Steve would be stuck in an apartment he was renting and sitting alone as he grieved a life that had already ended instead of starting his new one. And Tony would be working himself until he collapsed from exhaustion, dehydration or malnutrition. 

It wasn’t a conventional family but it was theirs and they were happy with it.


End file.
